Holding Back?

Holding Back?

Who is actually benefiting if you hold back? We all do it… why? Because most of us are afraid of being judged or feeling uncomfortable. There is such a strong emphasis in our society to be perfect…whatever that means. I have found myself caught in this trap… and yes, it is a trap that is only trapping my brilliance in. Now tell me if holding back is really helpful to you…. I know that it is not helpful to me. If I keep myself from really letting out my light fully and I prevent myself sharing my gifts to their full capacity who is actually benefiting? I find myself protecting myself from all the things I really want when I hold back. So it is a backwards strategy really. Why would I want to do that? You see, by holding back, everyone looses. Because I am not setting an example of what is possible and sharing who I am fully, no one really gets to feel the alternative.

The Alternative?

To Live FULL OUT! What does this even look like? Well, I can say from experience that it is uncomfortable and yet so very rewarding to live full out. Feeling uncomfortable is a sure sign you are not holding back. Being transparent, honest and vulnerable with your feelings is very important. Acting and living inspite of fear. Now if we just focused on being present with our feelings and sharing them in a heartfelt way, direct and honest… wow…. this would be one big step in living full out. This way of living requires a commitment to being honest with ourselves.

Most of us are terrified of any confrontation. Now…. when our words are connected to our heart… and we slow down our speech, there seems to be an easier way to receive what is being said. So, instead of the words coming out in a confrontational way, they come out in a loving way that actually deepens our experience of intimacy and connection with ourselves and each other.

I have recently met someone who I have felt so very grateful to receive his deep support and care. I have been challenged with how much I feel comfortable receiving. It is a very humbling experience to consistently receive without thinking that I should give something back. By humbly receiving with love and grace, I am giving back. It may not feel this way to many of you, yet there is an energy transference that happens when we can receive with love and allow a person to share their contrition of support or love. It may be in the form of a gift, or making a dinner or just helping a friend move, or being present to understand another’s experience.  It is often the simple gestures that are the most powerful.

I know what I love to offer and long to receive is undivided attention. So to be with someone with 100% presence takes courage and willingness to just be. We have become masters at distracting ourselves, fixing problems and giving advice. How many people do you know who choose to be present with you and really make time to listen to you to understand you? One of my favorite lines in the Francis Prayer is “Seek to Understand rather than be understood”.

The more we understand each other, the more connected with feel and the more relaxed we become and the more fulfilled our relationships are. So… Practice understanding others before seeking to be understood and just notice what happened. Let people know that you are there to support them. Ask… What is it that you need support with right now? I am here for you. and let them do the talking.

Not holding back is about allowing yourself to just BE with what arises and not fill the moment up with distractions. Allow yourself to feel the feelings as they arise and just notice what happens. Allow your breath to guide you and commit to being really present – all of you..  with your body, mind and spirit. This is a true practice of integrity to your authentic self. Let go of the facade and the pretense… it is time to get REAL! I dare to your play and live full out!

Become curious about what you might need to shift in your life in order to create space to live full out. What do you need to let go of so there is more space in your life to live with authenticity and integrity.

With love and blessings to you,

Lucia Nicola

 


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